Leaving a Family

Leaving a family: by Glenda Propst

These tips on how to survive leaving a family were part of the "Gentle Transitions" workshop at the 1999 NAN Conference .Thanks to all of the great survivors out there who wrote to me and shared their tips on how they got through it.
I hope this information is helpful to all nannies.

v     Maintain Contact.

v     If at all possible, take some time for yourself to re-energize and clear your head. Try to avoid leaving a job on Friday and starting a new one on Monday. Even if you can only manage 2 or 3 days, take a break.

v     Allow yourself to grieve. You have loved and cared for these children. You have a right to be sad, you have a right to feel a great loss and you need to grieve.

If you are moving away, you can send cards, or letters, or email. Many nannies say that this is what helped them the most.

v     Keep your resume updates so that when it is time , you are ready.

v 
Save some money out of your paycheck every week so that you don’t end up leaving a job with no prospects in sight and no money in the bank.

v     Take lots of pictures so that you will always be able to go back and look at them.

v     Make sure the children understand that it is not their fault that this is happening.

v     It is not their parents fault either, it is just something that happened.

v     Make sure that they understand that you will still love them and that they will be in your heart and you will be in theirs always.

v     Have your picture taken together so they will have a visual memory of you with them.

v     Keep one for yourself.

v     Talk about the fun times you have had with them.

v     Try to focus on the positive even the last few days.

v     Make a memory book with them or for them (Make one for yourself too)

v     Have a special song that they can sing when they miss you, and tell them when they sing it, know that you will be thinking of them too. (You could also do this with a book)

v     Keep in touch with them. In the beginning this is crucial for all of you. As time goes by, it will get easier.

v     Help them set up email accounts.

v     Remember that the love you gave to these children is something no one else could have ever given them, and no one else can take away.

v     Remember that a good nanny always works herself out of a job.

v     Remember that these are not your children, and eventually you will have to leave.

v     Teach them that you have come to do a job, and your job is to love them and care for them and teach them to be independent.

v     Help them to understand that you will not be there forever but you will always be in their lives and you will always love them.

v     Remember that time is a great healer.

v     Remember that as nannies our job is to help give them roots, and those roots will always be there.

v     Remember that you are a better person for loving them, as hard as it is to let them go.

v     Keep your correspondence and actions with your employers as professional as possible up to the last day of employment. It is tempting to reciprocate "ugliness" or "rudeness" with the same behavior, but do not allow yourself to do that.

v     Maintain your professionalism.

v     Give your employers as much notice as possible in order to help them find another nanny.

v     You could also provide them with lists from local sources and names of several people that have expressed an interest in the position.

v     If you will be in the same area, make friends with the new nanny. If you like and respect the person who comes after you, it will help you to know that those children are in good loving hands.

v     Remember that recovery from grief and loss is a zigzag. You will have good days and bad days especially in the beginning.

v     Let go of your pain and anger.

v     Keep a journal

v     Remember that love looks forward.

v     Believe that what happens is what is meant to be, and there is another wonderful family out there just waiting for you to come and be a part of their lives too.

v     When you start to interview again, don’t try to compare one family to another family. There is no way to measure one family against another.

v     Don’t hold back on your love. As painful as the end can be, remember what you learned from these children and how much you gained from the time you spent with them.

v     "The roots of love sink down and deep and strike out far, and they are arteries that feed our lives, so we must see that they get the water and sun they need so they can nourish us. And when you put something good into the world, something good comes back to you (Merle Shain)

v     I would like to leave you with one final thought from the movie “Hope Floats”
Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad. The best part is in the middle and hope floats. You just have to wait for it to rise.

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