By Karen Braschayko
You're ready for your nanny job interview. You're on time, resume
and portfolio in hand, thinking about your childcare style and
trying to feel out if this family will be a good match.
Yet, you're nervous. What will they ask this time?
Any nanny who has been to a few interviews knows that she is in for
anything. From boyfriends to STD tests to our childhoods, parents
and agencies ask nannies questions that are illegal in other realms.
Agency applications often contain similarly invasive questions. Do
you have any disabilities or congenital defects? Have these test
results filled out by your physician and returned to us with your
application. Will you submit to an HIV test? What medications do you
take? Have you ever been depressed? Have you ever been in an abusive
relationship?
Many nannies feel violated. We are neglectful child abusers, guilty
until proven innocent. These questions can put a nanny on trial for
her personal life and never allow her to display professional
knowledge.
Often, parents focus on personal issues and never reach the heart of
the matter: what will this caregiver actually do with my child all
day?
"They are too worried about whether or not I wear contacts to ask
about what I will feed their child," said a nanny in Kansas City,
Missouri.
Our profession is unlike any other. We are in someone's home, having
unsupervised contact with their children, their possessions and
their lives. Families rely on us, and a disruption in our lives
means a disruption in theirs. I absolutely want nannies screened
properly, better than we are now.
But the interview process can be degrading. I often ask myself: I
may love my job, but why do I subject myself to this? I have
multiple credentials, excellent references and 13 years of
experience with children, so why are people asking me if I have a
boyfriend?
Why are we talking about my childhood, when the real issue is what
kind of childhood do you want for your child?
With a little forethought and care, parents can find out what they
need to know, and agencies can help them find the right way to ask.
Plan First
So often I arrive at an interview and the parents have no idea where
to start. They are even unclear about what a professional nanny
does. Many parents ask invasive questions because they are new to
the process, understandably nervous and have not planned. Agencies
should guide clients to prepare.
Agencies screen nannies at different levels. Parents should find
exactly what an agency has done to select nanny candidates and what
background checks have been performed. From there, they can decide
where to focus.
Center on the aspects of having a nanny that matter most. What kind
of care do you want your child to receive? What do you want to
happen in your home each day?
Consider the qualities you would like in a nanny, and rank them.
What is your childcare style? A boisterous nanny may fit better than
a quiet one. Do you require an active nanny to swim with the
children, or a nanny with experience in music? Is a nanny a student
or a skilled caregiver? Should she spend every moment with the
children, or hang back and allow free play? Will she be a member of
the family, or would you prefer professional reserve? Would you like
a nanny with child development education, or a Montessori bias? Will
her infant care style fit with yours?
Discuss all aspects of daily care. Discipline, nutrition and
exercise are central topics. Ask how she deals with specific medical
emergencies, and if she treats a fever. If your child has a medical
condition, find out if she is knowledgeable and would follow proper
treatment. If she will be driving your children in her vehicle, ask
how she maintains it.
Will your nanny travel with you? It's not necessary to find out if
she is married if she is willing to be away from home for long
periods of time. If she is willing to commit to a one-year contract,
it's likewise not necessary to ask if she is planning to have a baby
anytime soon.
Once you have the vital topics, think of ways to ask. Are there
questions that would offend you if you were being interviewed? You
certainly need to protect your children and ask the questions that
will make you comfortable. But if you are going to ask a question
that would be illegal in a different employment situation, explain
why you would like to know and ask in a job-specific way.
Provide a statement of values for your children. Rather than asking
a nanny about her religion, tell her what religious base you provide
and ask her if she can support those beliefs. If you need a nanny
who is available on Sunday, ask if she is willing to work rather
than if she attends church. Draft the basic rules of your household.
In one family children may jump all over the furniture, while in
another running is punished. Rules vary widely, and you should let a
caregiver know what they are.
If the nanny will live in your home, think through the aspects of
having a new roommate that may bother you. Set rules accordingly.
Rather than ask your nanny if she is having sex with her boyfriend,
let her know that you do not allow overnight guests. Let the
potential nanny know what kind of behavior you expect in your home
and if you do not allow alcohol. Talk with other families who have
had a live-in nanny, research possible issues and stop them before
they occur.
A Nanny's Childhood
I have been asked often what my parents do for a living. How does
that matter to my job as a nanny, now that I am an adult? Even if my
parents had not gone to college, I have now gone to graduate school.
It baffles me when a potential employer asks what kind of house I
lived in or if my parents are divorced.
Parents often want to know about a nanny, "What kind of economic
status did her parents have? What is her cultural background?" If
social graces matter, ask about those instead.
A nanny cannot change what sort of family she was born into. She
should be judged for her choices now, not those of her parents. Ask
how a nanny continues her education and how she encourages learning
in children. Ask her where she takes children during the day, and
how often she reads to them.
Many parents and agencies would like to know even more about a
nanny's childhood, "Was she abused? How did her parents discipline?"
The cycle of child abuse is a dangerous one, and too many abusive
nannies have cared for children and perpetuated the cycle.
But many nannies go through dozens of interviews per year. Answering
such a personal, intrusive question is arduous.
If a caregiver has a long, glowing career and a well-developed
childcare perspective, does her childhood really matter anymore? If
she has let you know that she strongly opposes spanking and
precisely why, do you need to know if she was abused? Should she
have to talk about it yet again?
Instead, find out the depth of a nanny's knowledge about discipline.
Has she ever hit a child? Ask what she would do if your child ran
into the road, or if your infant would not stop crying and she felt
angry. Ask about a situation from the past and how she would manage
it differently now. Ask how she would discipline a two year old for
hitting verses a ten year old. Find out how she would ideally
discipline a child if no rules were set.
Think through the responses you would like to hear. A good nanny
will let you know that she is human, but she does her best to deal
with the situation. She should have reasonable expectations of child
behavior.
I have been asked more times than I can count if I am going to have
children. This is a delicate question. Some of the best caregivers I
have known did not wish to have children of their own. And, like me,
some nannies are not capable of having children. This question can
hurt.
Instead, find out the candidate's motivation. Ask how she chose this
profession, and why she has continued. Ask what her favorite aspects
of the job are, and the most challenging. Ask what strengths and
weaknesses she has as a nanny.
A Nanny's Health
A nanny is alone with children, and her health matters for their
safety. A parent should be aware of a serious condition, such as
heart disease. Parents should know how a diabetic controls her
condition, if an individual with epilepsy can safely drive or about
life-threatening allergy. I would think a parent remiss for not
respectfully asking these questions.
But there is a big difference between asking, "Do you have any
health conditions that affect your ability to care for children?"
and "What medications do you take?" Would a parent feel comfortable
telling his employer the medicines in his cabinet? Many private
medical concerns will never affect nanny work.
Drug and alcohol abuse are serious matters. Has your nanny been in
treatment for an addiction? Substance abuse often repeats, so this
is important information to have. But you can learn a lot from a
nanny's employment history. If a nanny has been on time and had few
sick days, chances are that she will also be a consistent employee
for you.
Eating disorders can affect children. Their attitudes about food are
modeled and shaped by those around them. Find out your nanny's views
on nutrition, and what she believes in teaching children about
eating. What is a typical lunch for her to prepare? How often does
she offer vegetables? How would she help a child who was becoming
overweight?
Fitness is also important, but ask in a job-specific way. Will a
nanny be able to safely lift a 30-pound child into a crib? Ask how
much physical activity she provides each day, and ask about her
favorite outdoor activities for children. Appearances can be
deceiving. Finding out an individual's views is a better plan.
Asking if a nanny has any physical limitations that affect her
ability to care for children is one thing. "Do you have any
disabilities or congenital defects?" is another. As someone who
cares about the fair and respectful treatment of others, this
question offends me.
One agency owner has placed a nanny several times who has an arm
severed above the elbow.
"She does a great job even with infants," she said.
Attention Deficit Disorder and mental health are also key. A nanny
with untreated bipolar disorder may not provide consistent care, but
a nanny who occasionally suffers from depression and gets
appropriate help may do a terrific job. If this issue is important
to you, ask respectfully and let the nanny know why. Speak with
references in depth about the quality and consistency of childcare
the nanny provided.
The number of agency applications and families asking for HIV tests
amazes and offends me. The risk is miniscule that a child could
contract HIV from a caregiver, but the risk is great that a child
will later develop skin cancer due to inconsistent care. Yet I am
never asked if I keep children out of the midday sun or apply
sunscreen every two hours.
Personal Life
I was recently asked during a phone interview, "Why aren't you
married yet?" I diverted the conversation, but I wanted to
scream, "Because he DIED. Why does that matter?"
I was also told in an interview, "You've entered domestic service,
so you need to be honest about anything I ask." That one I laughed
at. And of course I declined to go any farther with the interview.
Should these things matter when choosing a nanny? Certainly not as
much as the care your child will be receiving. Sometimes parents are
simply curious, but assessing a nanny for childcare skills is far
more important than personal choices.
Asking the last five articles a nanny has read and how she spends
her free time can be innocuous ways to find out more about her.
Hobbies are an import clue, and a perfectly acceptable topic.
If you are concerned about the people a nanny may expose your
children to, let her know that you would like to meet any friends or
family first.
It is imperative to ask a nanny if there are any situations in her
life that may affect your children's or your family's safety. It is
a rare occurrence, but it is possible that someone may wish your
nanny harm.
An agency owner related this story: "We had a nanny placed - her
background check was perfect and she was doing a great job for the
family when her husband showed up at the house one day and beat her
up and even pulled a gun on her in front of the children. It was
horrific. If we or the parents had asked her if she had any spousal
or boyfriend problems we would have been aware of this character
(she had reported him for domestic violence previously) and probably
learned that they were going through a messy divorce and no longer
living together. Maybe she would have gotten the job and maybe the
parents would have warned her to not give their address to anyone or
to let anyone into their home. No one asked and on one knew about
him."
Reverse Questions
Encourage a potential nanny to ask questions about your family, and
be open when answering reasonable ones. The initial interview is as
much an interview for the employer as it is for the nanny. An
experienced nanny will have an idea about the kind of family that is
a good match for her. A nanny might prefer to work for a family that
does not use physical discipline, or may not be comfortable with
certain religious values.
Just as you will be putting your faith in a nanny, she is also
relying on you. A nanny has to protect herself from sexual
harassment, abuse, marital problems and families who don't pay. An
unreliable employer can damage a nanny's credit or reputation,
affecting her life for years. Even on a basic level, inconsistent
hours and last minute changes affect our personal lives,
appointments, college classes and budgets.
Be open with the nanny about any potential difficulties within your
family. A pending divorce, a move, even home renovations will
greatly affect her work life, and she deserves to know. Encourage
her to talk with any former nannies and babysitters.
There are topics to cover for the benefit of both sides. But there
is a way to do it without being unkind. With a little thought, both
parties can find out what they need to know while respecting
individual privacy.
Parents and agencies should be reminded that a nanny is a person,
not a domestic servant drafted into not having a life or feelings.
Allowing a nanny to be a professional and to display her hard-earned
knowledge is a much better use of interview time.
Raising the level of interview questions is crucial to legitimizing
the nanny profession. Keeping the good nannies and weeding out the
bad depends on better, more accurate interviews. Let's start asking
the right questions, and leave the meddling ones behind.
Karen Braschayko is a nanny and freelance writer in Ypsilanti,
Michigan. karenbraschayko@
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