Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Communication is the key

Good relationships must have a foundation. Communication is the foundation of a good employer/employee relationship. Communication begins with the first interview, and is an ongoing process between the nanny and the parents.
During the interview, expectations of both parties need to be clearly defined and understood.
¨ Guidelines regarding discipline must be established and agreed upon in the beginning, and they need to be refined and adjusted as the need arises.
¨ Consistency is crucial.
¨ Children need to know they can take you at your word.
¨ Children need limits. it is important for the nanny and the parents to present a united front. This means that if one of the parents has a problem with the way the nanny is disciplining, they will discuss it in private, not in front of the children.
Communication must be implemented into the daily schedule.
Some ways to do this :
¨ Notes
¨ Journals,
¨ Conversation,
¨ Phone calls throughout the day.
¨ Short talks (come 10 minutes early, stay IO minutes late)
¨ Dinner away from the house without the children (this is relaxing, non-threatening, neutral territory.
¨ Family meetings
Things to Remember:
¨ As nannies especially when we live in, we have a tendency to take everything personally.
¨ Try not take everything personally. Sometimes your employer is in a bad mood because he/she ( or they both) had a bad day, not because of something you did or did not do.
¨ Sometimes parents don't even realize that what they are doing is upsetting us.
¨ Don't assume your employer can read your mind.
¨ Say the words.
¨ Learn to stand up for yourself.
¨ When you finally have the opportunity to sit and talk to the parents about a concern or a problem, here are some suggestions for making the most of the opportunity.
¨ Be Prepared
¨ Learn to distinguish between what is important what is not important.
¨ Take time to prepare an agenda of what you want to talk about.
¨ Under each item make a list of the points you want to make.
¨ If you write it down, you will not forget anything.
¨ The other advantage to writing things down is that it sends a very clear message to your employers that his was important to you and you prepared for it.
¨ Try to balance the negative with the positive.
¨ Try to create win/win resolutions.
¨ If you present a problem, offer some solutions.
¨ Do not place blame.
¨ Keep in mind that if you have a concern or a problem it is not going to go away. You must learn to deal with it like an adult.( isn't that one of the very important character traits you are trying to teach your charges?)
If you have a difficult time learning how to communicate effectively, take an assertiveness training class. It will be worth the time and money and it will benefit you in every area of your life for years to come

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Healthy Transitions by Marni Kent and Glenda Propst

Healthy Transitions by Marni Kent and Glenda Propst

The transition period for a nanny commences at the very moment she gives her notice. Most nannies try to give a minimum of a 30 day notice as opposed to the traditional 2 week notice because of the nature of our jobs. This gives the parents time to find someone, bring them, and ideally, allow the old nanny to transition with the new nanny
Sometimes when a nanny gives notice, the parents seem angry because the nanny is choosing to leave them.
Often, what appears to be anger is really a feeling of rejection, frustration and despair because most parents rely on their nanny to help them balance the demands of their family life.
It really does not matter how long a nanny has been with a family, or even how long she has been in the nanny profession. Any nanny who gives notice will have deal with the transition time which can be difficult to downright unbearable.
When a nanny has been with a family long term, she might expect the parents reaction to be one of sadness, but many times the parents react by shutting the nanny out.
They might be trying to send the nanny the message, you choose to leave us, so we will act like we don’t need you anyway.
During your employment you might have heard things like: "We could not do it without you" "You are so wonderful!" "We hope you never leave".
Now that you have given your notice, their words and actions may be saying "We don’t care" when deep down they are saying "What did we do to make you leave us?"
.It’s going to be a long 30 days.
Of course your first instinct is to walk out early, but as a professional you don’t want to do that to the children
To overcome the difficulty of the situation, the nanny needs to reflect back to what is and always will be the most important aspect of any nanny position, the children.
The nanny needs to remember that these last days with the children are important and that as hard as it might be at times, you have to take the high road. Saying goodbye to a family goes hand in hand with enhancing your career advancement opportunities. The end is just as important as the beginning.
You will never regret taking the high road but taking the low road will always come back to haunt you.
Someday you might hear through the nanny grapevine that the family has been through 4 nannies since you left. You might hear that they had to hire an extra nanny to do the work you used to do alone. Someday that family may come back to you and say "We are so sorry for the way it ended, we should have done it differently"
So as you endure those last few days with those children you love so much, make a special effort to talk about your feelings, create some memories, and build your bridge.